1st day of Kindergarten

So, today was the first day of kindergarten for A.  I set the alarm for 7:30 to make sure that everyone was up, showered, and ready to go on time.  I reminded the kids that we couldn't be late for kindergarten like we were at Jowonio.  I woke up at 7:25 and shut off the alarm because I always feel bad actually waking up my kids figuring if they are still sleeping, they must be tired.  By 7:45, A was suddenly wide awake and excited to get ready for kindergarten.  C slept in until 8.  So, got them each ready, clothes on, teeth brushed, potty, breakfast (which really just means cereal and/or granola bars and sometimes fruit) and then they could watch a show while I got ready.

I was feeling the pressure because it was now 8:20 and I wanted to leave by 8:40 to ensure we got to school by 8:55.  I didn't want to be late, especially on the first day.  I rushed my shower and getting ready and off we went.  A asked me repeatedly to make sure I had his lunch (I did) and his backpack (I also did).  C brought her backpack filled with baby dolls as she was going to my sister's house for the day (thanks again AC). 

We are driving down to get to school when I see the cones.  CRAP!  The road is apparently a one-way road during school hours.  Not to fear, I'll just park and we'll walk a block to school.  A was NOT happy with this as we parked right outside the school on orientation day.  I explained why we parked where we did and that we'd try something new tomorrow so we could park in a different spot.  He was appeased.
 
As we get to the door, I ask him if we can take his picture.  He was NOT in a picture taking mood and did not comply.  I mentioned to him that we could take his picture in front of the big school sign, he rejected that idea. So, I settled for a picture of him by the building with a very sad face.

Inside we go and Ms W says hi to him.  He responds by hiding and burying his face into me.  I was worried that this would not be a good day.  But, we showed him his cubby and he again asked about his lunch (perhaps I should figure out something else for breakfast, but he isn't a breakfast guy).  After being reassured his lunch was in his bag, he went to play.  I went and told him he had to find his name on a table and sit for table work.  He was confused and looked at me puzzled asking, "Mom, did they already have play and learn?"  I reminded him that this was different than Jowonio and that they started their day with table work, not play time.  After about 1 min, he told me he was done with his table work and I explained that he had to sit until his teachers told him he could get up.  He accepted that.

However, that didn't mean he couldn't talk to his table mates, right?  He tried introducing himself and asking others what their names were.  But, the kids at his table were feeling shy and didn't respond.  I told them their names though which helped them all seem at ease.

Finally, it is time for me to leave.  I was worried about how it would go, but I put on a happy face and told him I was going to leave to go to work.  He asked me who was picking him up and again, about his lunch!  I gave him a hug and a kiss, reminded him about where the bathroom was and to be a listener.  He told me he would and that I should be a listener at work and then we said our goodbyes and left.

I heard nothing more until 3:30 when I got a call from his teacher.  It went like this. 
Ms D: "Hello, this is Ms D.  Are you picking up A?"  

Me: "Um, he is supposed to be in the afterschool program at school."
Ms D: "Oh, we thought you hadn't signed him up for today.  Oops, we'll bring him down now."

Of course, then I worried that he'd thought I'd forgot him so I went there to pick him up.  He was happily playing in afterschool.  When I got there and he saw me his first words were "I LOVED IT!"  When asked what he did that day at school, he told me he went to the library, ate lunch and had 2 cookies for snack!  BUT, the best part of his day. . . . "Mom, they have a SCHEDULE!  A really big one that is stuck up on the wall!"  His former Jowonio teachers can attest that the schedule was very important to him and I can report, it still is!

So, all in all, a successful first day. 

~G

OUCH! It hurts, it really, really hurts!!

For those of you that don't personally know C, you should know that she is working hard to get an oscar for best actress in a drama.  She is the most dramatic kid (yes, I do realize the irony in saying this).  So, tonight, I'm brushing her teeth and the toothbrush slips and gets her in the eye.  She instantaneously starts crying.  It was the kind of cry where she can't breathe for a bit.  Ok, I know that getting jammed in the eye with toothpaste and a toothbrush hurts.  I hug her, check her eye, tell her I'm sorry, try to make her feel better.  She stops crying to talk to her dad then starts crying again saying "I don't want to stop crying."  I help her with her PJs and she, finally stopping crying, says that her eye got an owie from the toothbrush and starts to cry again saying "It hurts, it really, really hurts!"  Then, she says, "Mom, which eye was it that got an owie again?" 

~G

Parenting Fail

Let me start by saying that I think I'm a great parent.  I don't want people to feel badly for me or feel like I don't think I'm a good parent.  That said, let me just say that sometimes, for a moment, I feel like a total and utter failure.  I know that all parents feel this way, though it is rarely talked about, so here you go, I'll talk about it so you don't feel so bad thinking it. 

Ok, so it started out last night.  It was bedtime and A has been struggling with that for the past week.  I told him that if he came out of his bedroom again, he'd lose the Wii.  He came out and I followed through (YAY for me!) and put up the Wii remotes so we haven't used them all day. So, he stays in his room and goes to sleep after that.  However, he is up at 3 trying to come into my room.  I take him back to his room, 10 minutes later he is up again, rinse and repeat for 3 cycles.  By the end of the 3rd cycle, he is crying that he needs me and I am feeling increasingly frustrated and exhausted!  I lay down with him and talk to him for a minute then fall asleep (first failure).  I wake up at 7 with a 48 lb kid laying on me and I'm dripping with sweat because it is so humid outside.  We get up, brush teeth, go potty and downstairs he goes (and his sister as she woke up too).  I go upstairs to lay down for a bit. 

Time goes on and all is well for a bit.  But, by 9 am, there was crying as both kids were annoying one another and A discovered he can't play Wii.  I go take a shower and more crying happens.  Apparently, A hit C and C pinched him in the face.  I talk with both about how it isn't okay, how to respond when someone does something we don't like, etc.  Hitting and annoying each other resumes and I send each kid to their own rooms to calm themselves down while I finish getting ready.  Then, I ask for A to put on his clothes (C already did so).  He starts crying about how he doesn't want to, he wants me to help him, etc.  He finally puts them on (it took 20 min) and we get some lunch. 

It is nap time now for C and I am thoroughly enjoying the lack of crying, not hearing "mom" and just enjoying the quiet. Its been a rough day and it is only 1pm!  Damn this heat because we can't even just go outside to play so we are stuck inside (where at least the fans will help cool us down).  Here's hoping that this afternoon will be filled with laughter instead of tears.

~G

Feeling like a fraternity pledge

Day 5 of, as my friend N puts it, Reality Re-Entry, meaning re-entering the reality of my life with kids.  It has been a particularly rough reentry due to them being gone for 2 weeks.  We have nearly opposite parenting philosophies and schedules and the poor kids are really struggling coming back home.  By day 5, the exhaustion from too late bedtimes with their father are sinking in and the result is lots of tears and unhappiness as they readjust.  I feel like a fraternity pledge; up all night long dealing with ridiculous demands and questions (come sleep with me, I need my doll, I need a drink of water, what are we doing tomorrow?), working during the day, cleaning the house repeatedly as the brothers (or in this case the kids) apparently find it entertaining to immediately destroy the house the  moment they walk in the door so the poor pledge (or in this case me) can clean it all up.  There is food on the floor, empty cups strewn about, and somehow the bathroom floor always gets peed on.  The only difference is that a pledge starts paying monetary dues and the kids require I pay monetary dues (childcare, clothes, food, etc).  Granted, I get intrinsic rewards and the knowledge that I helped create a wonderful adult (hopefully), but damn, sometimes, I think that it would be better to get a monetary reward or at least a keg party out of the deal!

~G

It's awesome and amazing!

The kids have been gone for 2 weeks with their father.  During that time, I was able to sleep when I wanted, eat when I wanted, etc.  I didn't have anyone pee on me or ask me to wipe their behind.  Ah, how much changes when they get home!  I picked them up and all was well initially.  Then, A had a meltdown and said he had a hard time at daddy's house :(.  He cried and I reassured him it was okay and that I was there to talk if he wanted.  We had just gotten dinner and he kept saying "I'm not ready for my chicken yet because I'm crying (said in his best crying voice)."  Followed by, "Don't worry mommy, I'll be ready soon!" is his best crying, but trying to sound encouraging voice.  He stopped crying and ate and all was well.  As we are pulling into our driveway, he says "Oh, our house is so pretty mommy!"  The house looks the exact same but for some reason, he really was appreciative of it upon return.  He ran inside and complimented everything for being pretty.  Perhaps it was because there wasn't food crumbs on the floor, clothes strewn about, blankets and toys accessorizing the floors, not sure, but everything was pretty to him.

Then, in true A form, he remembered that we brought home a treadmill the day before he left and immediately, he asked about where it was and if I could show him how to use it.  So, I showed them both and they both walked on the treadmill then got upset when I told them they needed to stop.  Ah, if only I felt that same way about that treadmill.

Bedtime is a bit of a struggle but everyone goes to sleep. We wake up in the morning and my body rejected the early morning wake up call.  But, the kids were having no part of sleeping in.  Up we got and the day started.  And, my 2 weeks of no wiping butts came to a screeching halt!  Always had one or the other going to the bathroom.  And, now, C says "Mommy, let's look at my poop.  It is awesome and amazing!"  How am I to respond to that?  I can't shatter her excitement and tell her poop is neither awesome or amazing.  And, I want her to keep going in the potty, so I suck it up and like a great mom, compliment her on her awesome and amazing poop.  Yet another thing I never thought I'd say in my life!

~G

Congratulations Graduates!

Today was A's graduation from preschool.  He has been in the same preschool with the same teacher for 2 years and we have loved every minute of it.  The teachers he has had have been so great with him and so understanding of him and his abilities and needs.  When he first started at Jowonio he was unable to peddle a tricycle.  Now he is able to ride a bike with training wheels (I should try him without to see if he can do it).  He was barely understood by people that didn't know him and now, nearly 100% of people understand him!  He couldn't hold a crayon/pencil, let alone write.  Now, he can write his name amongst other things.  He is able to read, sound out words, using those sounds to spell words, and answer "W" questions (those he still frequently says "mom, can you stop telling me about my day" when I ask him questions after school). 

One of the most important things is that he has friends and feels like he belongs.   He never had friends before.  He was never invited to playdates, never mentioned a friend, and never belonged.  That isn't the case.  When we were at a recent school carnival for a local elementary school, he climbed in the bounce house and excited raced over to the door and exclaimed, "Mom, all of my friends are here!!"  He loves his friends and school and because of his teachers, he has learned how to engage with peers (not that he is perfect at it and he still has some learning to do, but he is so much better off).  This is going to benefit him hugely when he starts kindergarten next week. 

I am so proud of him and the accomplishments he has made.  He hasn't had an easy life (I mean, it hasn't been the worst, but not easy either).  He had significant delays in language and motor and an inability to make friends.  He grew up listening to his father and I argue and saw a horrible example of a relationship.  He moved to a new state with me when he was 3 and has seen the drama and stress caused by our court battles.  But, he has persevered and has made huge changes.  He never says he can't do something and always is willing to try it.  So, congratulations A on your graduation!  I know that you'll do great things in life and I'm fortunate to be your mom so I can see what an amazing person you become.

And, thank you to all the teachers he's had over the past 2 years.  Each of you has a lasting impact on him and our family and I can't express to you enough how thankful I am for your help and support.  Jowonio is an amazing resource and you are amazing people to work there.  The world is better off with you in it.

~G

Lunchbox Suggestion and Fundraiser

I pack A's lunch every day and have for 2 years now so I'm always on the look out for containers that are reusable, but easy enough for him to open himself.  I've spent hundreds of dollars on lunch container items (literally) and have finally found something that is easy for him, convenient for me and inexpensive! 

I present you with the Easy Lunchbox System.  The system comes with 4 sectional (3 compartments) containers and lids.  You can also get the bag to hold the container as well.  I generally put the container in the bag, some fresh fruit, yogurt, and a drink on top of the container.  The bag fits in the bottom of his backpack so it is really, really convenient. 

I love the containers so much, I'm running a fundraiser for my son's school.  Please consider purchasing a set to help his school, you won't be disappointed.  

~G

Things I'd never thought I'd have to say:

10. No, you cannot eat poop.

9. It isn't okay to dance in pee.

8. Get your fingers out of your butt.

7. Seriously, stop drinking bath water.

6. Sorry, but I will not let you get hit by a car.

5.  Please, stop eating all the fruit from the frig! (in my defense, I spend easily $100+ a week on fruit)

4. Don't eat bugs

3. Food from the floor is dirty, you cannot eat it.

2. "F&*^ You is not a gentle word."

1. Sorry your 'gina hurts. This is why I tell you to use toilet paper to wipe yourself.

Apparently, my kids are gross kids because most of these are related to eating/doing gross things!

~G

I don't want you to keep me safe.

It's been awhile since I've posted.  It was a quiet few days.  That changed today.  After dinner, we decided to take the kids to get ice cream from Friendly's.  We get there and, as usual, the mayhem begins.  It generally sounds like this, "Sit down on your behind."  "You are inside so that is too loud."  "Calling someone a witch is not a gentle word and it is not okay."  "If you can't sit on your bottom and use your inside voice, no ice cream."  "Great googly moogly, just SIT DOWN!"  Apparently they were freshly churning the ice cream today because it took awhile.  But the ice cream finally comes and it is a sheer bliss, for all of 10 minutes.  Ice cream is gone, clean up begins and out we go.  C runs in front of me.  Now, generally she stops and waits when she gets to a parking lot as she must hold my hand.  Today, she decided to run out into the parking lot.  I grab her arm and tell her it is NOT okay to run into a parking lot.  She immediately starts crying and says, "you hurted my arm!"  I told her I was sorry that I hurt her arm but that I had to protect her from running in the parking lot because there are cars there that could run her over.  Here is the rest of the conversation:

C: I don't want you to protect me.
G: C, it is my job as a mommy to protect you.  This is why I grabbed your arm to keep you safe.
C: I don't want to be safe. 
G: If you aren't safe, you run the risk of getting run over by a car.
C: I don't want a car to run me over.
G: I don't want that either, that is why I need to keep you safe.
C: I DON'T WANT YOU TO KEEP ME SAFE!  I WANT THE CAR TO RUN ME OVER.
G: C, I'm not going to argue with you about this.  It is my job to keep you safe as a mommy and I'm going to do my job, period.
C: I don't want to be safe (mumblings under her breathe).

Honestly, I never thought I'd have to argue with my kid about the importance of keeping her safe.  

For the love of radishes!

We belong to a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) which means that we pay for a share in a farm and then get lots of vegetables each week.  Yesterday was out first box of veggies for the season.  I was too busy to clean anything yesterday so I cleaned it all today.  C was in heaven!  I knew she liked veggies, but holy cow, apparently she LOVES veggies!  She wanted to know what each item was and she wanted to taste each one.  Each time I washed a new vegetable and put it to dry, she took some of it it eat.  Today, she ate a sample of the following:

Boston Lettuce
Spinach
Romaine Lettuce
Radish Greens
Radishes
Turnip Greens
Beet Greens
Chinese Cabbage

Her favorite was all the lettuces.  She is a HUGE fan of salad and was just thrilled to have so much of it available to her.  After her salad appetizer, she decided she wanted granola for dinner.  She is a vegetarian hippie in the making.

~G

Pee and the Tree

Wonders why it is that we can all go to the bathroom just before we get outside, yet the minute we get outside, A needs to pee?  And, he needs to pee on a tree.  I mean, I know it is a man thing because I've peed outside and let me tell you, its no fun and its hard work.  I don't find it liberating at all.  But, A just loves it.

It all started when we were at an ice cream shop with my sister, brother-in-law and nephew.  A suddenly needed to pee and there was no bathroom.  So, my brother-in-law showed him how to pee outside.  It was instant love.  From that point on, when he was outside, he dropped his pants and peed, wherever he was, it made no difference.  He has peed outside at my sister's house and my house, at numerous parks and at his school. 

So one time, he was at our house when he decided he needed to pee.  As a side note, I'm grateful we have a 6 foot tall wooden fence so our neighbors don't see him peeing all over the place.  He dropped his pants and started to pee.  J told him he had to pee on the tree.  So, he raced over and peed on the tree.

Due to this fact, we now have trees with different purposes.  We have a climbing tree and a peeing tree.  Fortunately, they are easy to tell apart.  The climbing tree can be climbed.  The peeing tree has no branches for a good 15-20 feet up. 

Now, unfortunately, my daughter also wants to pee outside.  And, she wants to pee standing up and get her pee on the tree.  I've tried holding her so she could pee through my arms (I'm a great mom, most wouldn't risk getting peed on like this), she was NOT happy.  I tried explaining anatomy so she understood why she couldn't pee like A.  This just resulted in her screaming at the top of her lungs while crying, "I want a PENIS!"  I tried just letting her pee, but the pee went down not on the tree, which left her unhappy again.  I think that penis envy is due to the peeing outside issue.

~G

Candy solves everything

Today, C slipped getting out of the tub.  She brushed her nose on the padded potty seat.  Now, I have no doubt it scared her and probably did hurt for a second.  So, of course, she is crying and crying.  I tell her I'm sorry she got hurt, offer hugs and kisses.  She is still crying.  So, I ask what I can do to help her feel better.  She instantly looks at me, puts on her best frown face with big eyes that say Please do what I say and says "Candy!  I need candy to make me feel better."  I laugh and tell her nice try. She laughs and says "well, where's my candy?"  I tell her she can't have candy and she says "pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese?  It will make me feel better."  I laugh again, ask her who gives her candy when she gets hurt (she replies "linda" (her teacher at school) tell her no and change the subject.  The irony is that she isn't a huge candy fan.  She'll choose salad over candy any day of the week, but apparently, she's learned through school that candy solves all. 

TGIM (Thank God it's Monday!)

First, let me start by saying that I've never been so happy to see a Monday in all my life!  This weekend was a very busy weekend and I know that those are stressful on my kids so I understand why they are behaving the way they are and what their behavior is saying, but there simply wasn't anything I could do about it. 

We went to get a car on Saturday and see friends.  The day started off by A coming into my room in the middle of the night.  We've been working really hard on getting him to sleep in his own bed all night long and this was the beginning of the demise.  The kids wake up late (7:30 am) and we go downstairs.  They watch a show and I check email.  As I get ready to take a shower, we lose power!  We are without power for 30 minutes or so. 

During this time, I realize that without power, I can't get my car out of the garage.  You see, I don't have a key to the side door of my garage.  Even if I did have one, the lawn mower is stored there. Keep this key thing in mind as it will come up again!

Ok, so the power comes on and I get in the shower to get ready.  We get the car and all is going well.  We get to the friend's house and things remain well.  This is a feat because there are 7 children and 3 adults present.  All kids behave appropriately and I'm in bliss.  Then, just as we are getting ready to leave, C, who is tired, pees on the floor (carpeted no less).  Clothes changed, carpet cleaned, apologies all around and we leave.  The drive home is 2 hours filled with screaming, crying, and more peeing. 

We get home, eat dinner and go to bed.  Bed is relatively easy.  However, night time is not.  Again, A wakes up and wants to come to my room.  Out of sheer exhaustion I allow it (BIG MISTAKE GLENDA!). 

We get up on Sunday.  Now, since we weren't home on Saturday, I need to do laundry, dishes, some general cleaning, etc.  Kids ask for food and I give it to them.  They decide mid-way through that they don't want it and throw it away.  This makes me feel very frustrated because food is expensive and I'm struggling to provide them with good, healthy foods and then they throw it away.  I tell them no more food until lunch.  THis results in, yup, you guessed it, even more screaming and crying! 

We need to go to the grocery store but I also need to go to Target for diapers for them.  Get diapers at Target and a few other things.  A decides to start screaming/crying.  I pick him up.  So, now I'm carrying a screaming, crying, squirming 50lb child and pushing a cart.  I'm so used to tantrums that they don't phase me (so sorry fellow Target shoppers) and I refuse to not get the errand done I need done so I finish getting what I need and out we go. 

Next stop, grocery store.  Wash, rinse, repeat of Target, full of crying/screaming.  We get done and head home.  We get home and I open the outside door.  We have a door to the outside and then one into the kitchen.  The one into the kitchen has a lock on it.  Guess what!  We have no key.  AND, C locked the door prior to leaving, which went unnoticed.  I try karate kicking the door (it makes ZERO impact).  I go to the back door and try, in vain, to find a key that works.  So, this now makes 3 doors that have locks and I have no key for them.  We manage to break into the door and get into the house.

I told A we'd go bowling today so we do that.  Bowling goes well.  It was 2 hours of the day with very little screaming/crying.  We get home and have company over for dinner.  This means more screaming/crying only this is my sister and her family, so the screaming/crying is increased by 1 more kid.  Dinner is over, the visit is over and it is bedtime.  Again, bedtime goes very well, no crying and then the house is quiet.  Ah, how iIenjoy this.

However, middle of the night is a disaster.  Aiden wants to come to my room and I refuse.  He begins screaming/crying, etc.  I know he can sleep alone and I need him to sleep alone.  I'm exhausted from very little sleep and really need a good nights sleep.  Alas, that wasn't to happen.  He finally goes back to sleep but eventually comes into my room again.  I have a feeling that all this week will be spent getting him back into the routine of sleeping in his own bed. 

Needless to say, A woke up tired and grumpy.  I'm hopeful that we will turn this week around and be happy again.  Until then, I'm planning on having a glass of wine each night to take the edge off and to help relax me.  The past few weeks have been filled with ex-husband issues and then this last weekend, well, its enough to send someone off the deep end!  Bottoms up everyone :)

~G

Updates and Baseball

I thought I'd take the time today to update on previous posts:

Re: Hair Woes Well, C is still into hair things, but has settled for the headband.  And, now when she takes it out, it isn't lost, so I've not had to reinvest in new hair accessories.  HOWEVER, she now wants to do her baby's hair!  Now, I knew she was obsessed with babies but I guess I didn't think she'd combine her hair obsession with her baby obsession!

Re: Tips for Separated Parents my ex still has his head up his ass.  Perhaps someone could forward this to him?  This has only pushed me to really advocate that others do a few things.  First, before you get married, listen to your gut. If it sends warning signals, don't get married.  Second, if you are more excited about the wedding than you are about the proposal or the marriage, get out!  Third, if you do end up divorced, TAKE YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS as quickly as possible and leave your ego out of the relationship for your kids' sake. 

Re: Potty Training, today, C had no accidents at home (YAY) but 2 at school (BOO)!  Let's see what tomorrow brings :)

Today's excitement for the kids was that we went to watch a baseball game.  There is a dirt pile that the kids love to play in.  They throw dirt in the grass and dig in the dirt.  They had a great time.  Even more than that, there were other children present and A played appropriately with them for the entire 1.5 hours!  This is huge because he has some social delays.  I was so proud at that moment.  I was able to sit on the bleachers while both of my children played appropriately with three other children.  This is something I've never been able to do and it was divine!

~G

Potty Training

When I worked with young children in preschool, I love potty training.  I'd even go so far as to say it was my favorite activity.  I loved to see how kids grew and developed so much during that time.  They really changed into independent young people who were so proud of all that they could do.  So, when I had kids, I thought (as I mistakenly did about so many things) that potty training would be the easiest thing in the world.

Into my life came A, a child who seeks out sensory experiences.  Well, I've come to realize how truly sensory potty things are.  He loved playing with poop.  He used to pull it out of his diaper and paint all over the house.  Needless to say, there was a time of about 9 months when he wasn't allowed to be alone, ever, including nap.  His all time favorite was to pee on the floor and dance it in.  Pee bounces just like a rain puddle, even in carpet!  He finally stopped doing all of those things and generally uses the potty fully now (though not at night--how do you even potty train a child at night?).

C expressed interest very early.  I was ecstatic thinking that potty training would be so easy  with her.  And initially, it was.  I used a timer and she voluntarily went and all was well.  I could forgo the timer if I kept a potty downstairs, which I did.   However, the bathroom is upstairs so it became a pain to run up and down every 30 minutes (she loved to pee in that little potty).  And, she was going in the big potty often so no more need for the little potty.  Well, I'm not sure what has happened, but she has no accidents at school at all, yet has accidents nearly every single day at home.  And, not only does she have accidents, she does so and doesn't care anymore (she used to hate that feeling of pee all over herself).  So, if I don't spot it, she sits in it until I do.  But, there are those days when she has no accidents at all and I have hope that we've turned the corner.  Until that moment, I'm the parent that brings multiple changes of clothes out wherever I go.  It isn't quite as bad with C.  She hasn't peed all over the floor of the grocery store like A did (though she did paint with poop once). 

Perhaps I need to bribe C with candy as they do in daycare (though I hate that)?  Perhaps I need to bring the little potty back downstairs?  Perhaps I need to just deal with getting peed on daily?  Perhaps by this time next week, C will be fully potty trained?  That is the one thing that is certain about potty training--you never know how long it will take or when they will no longer have accidents.  I suppose it is much like Art, its the process that matters, not the product. 

G

The importance of Choices

If you ever hear my talking to my kids, you'll likely think that I negotiate too much and give too many choices.  I'm fine with that really because, while it does get annoying at times and there are times I wish they'd just STOP negotiating, I also know that they need to learn the skill of negotiation and they need to feel powerful.  Kids feel powerful when you give them choices.  The choice doesn't have to be "do it or don't."  So, for example, if shoes need to go on, the choice can be "right or left foot first" or "do you want to do it or do you want my help?" 

Did you know that by providing lots of choices, you are giving your child the sense of power, which results in a lessened need for them to seek power?  Kids seek power generally through inappropriate behavior.  They willfully ignore you, hit/kick/bite/etc, or respond with "NO." about everything.  Now, I'm not suggesting that giving choices will mean none of those behaviors will happen, but they will happen less as kids will feel powerful. 

I think my kids' daycare teachers think that I'm nuts.  Drop off includes negotiations (I don't want you to go yet, stay 5 more minutes), pick up includes negotiations (I want to play for 5 more minutes), heck even meals include negotiations (I want blueberries instead of bananas).  It is frustrating at times, but I'm fairly certain that I'm raising children that will be excellent attorneys and/or Secretary of State or the equivalent.  Or, if nothing else, they'll be excellent at negotiating strangers to give them money as they panhandle in the streets.

~G

Slip N Slide

My sister got a slip n slide and it was HOT out so we decided to open it up and give it a try.  The kids could not figure out what to do with it.  I tried suggesting they slide, but they couldn't grasp that.  So, what is a mommy supposed to do?  That's right, I took one for the team and showed them how to slide.  They still didn't slide face first, but they did at least on their knees. 

Here is a picture for your enjoyment.  I hope this motivates you to go out there and have fun with your kids.

Kids to the beach

It has been beautiful outside lately so when I got the kids back, I thought we should go to the beach/lake to swim (one of their favorite activities).  Not only that, but we should go with their cousin too (he is 6 weeks older than my oldest).  It sounded like a great idea.  2 adults with 3 kids swimming. 

So, we got ready and went to my sister's house.  Off to get some lunch.  Hmm, having recently seen Food Inc, I'd rather not have fast food, so we went to a local sandwich shop.  Kids were already driving the adults nuts acting like crazed maniacs.  We thought they were hungry though so all would be well.  After we eat, off to Target to get a bathing suit for C.  All is well at Target so off we go to the lake. 

Kids are very excited once we get to the lake as they want to go swimming!  Finally we are all ready and off we go.  Sunscreen is applied and we go into the water.  Well 2 kids and I go into the water.  Apparently C likes to swim only in pool water, not lake water.  So, she played in the sand while my sister sat there bored out of her mind. 

In the water, all was well initially.  Then, we had to clear the water and search for 2 missing children (not ours).  Adults form a line and walk through the water searching for kids at the bottom of the lake (very scary thing to do).  Apparently the parent told the kids to stay at the beach, but they didn't and were in the bathroom or somewhere else.  But, they were found so back in the water we went. 

More swimming.  My nephew, when he does too much physical activity, gets sick.  Yup, sure enough, he got sick in the lake.  Ok, so time for him to take a break.  A and I stay in the water.  We stayed in the water for about 3 hours.  When he has to get out for us to go, he protests LOUDLY!  I tell him we'll go to Friendly's and can have ice cream.  He is not interested.  Swimming is the only time when he'd rather swim than eat.  After a long time of crying, we go change out clothes and play on the playground while everything gets put into the car and ready. 

We now have to leave.  C starts crying because she wants to play more.  She also states she doesn't want to eat, just wants ice cream.  We get in the car.  Instantly, C and nephew (we'll call him M) start annoying each other.  I can't even tell you what either was doing, but I think M was telling C to stop talking to him and she continuously responded "No way."  This infuriated M and he kept yelling at her and C just kept saying "No way." 

Eventually we get to Friendly's (felt like 4 hours, but was likely 10 min).  Go in, sit down, order food.  This is when the mayhem began.  M wanted to sit by me so we moved around seats.  C wanted to sit by my sister.  Okay, so everyone gets situated and we order.  A was wonderful.  M was wonderful.  C was a pain in my rear end.  At one point, she wanted to climb on the table.  My sister kept her from doing so but C wasn't happy.  My sister told her that she couldn't climb on the table or she wouldn't get ice cream.  Caitlin said she'd rather climb on the table than have ice cream.  At another point, my sister asked C to stop touching her.  She asked why.  My sister said "because I said so."  NOT a good enough reason for C.  She moved her spoon from her hand closest to my sister and put it in her other hand.  She then looked at my sister with a look that basically said "Screw you" and poked her.  In the car, my sister told her to focus about something.  C then repeated that (or at least that is my story) but it sounded, well, like something else that starts with an F.  This continued the entire trip home.  M was busting up laughing so we convinced him to ignore her so that way it would stop.  We get home and to top the trip off, C peed in her clothes.  We get back to our house and take baths, play then go to bed, hoping that the next day will be a better day!

Challenging Behaviors

Those of you that know me know that my job is to go around and teach people how to work with little kids with disabilities and/or challenging behaviors.  It is a job that I love.  I love working with kids with behavior issues and helping adults understand behavior.  So, I thought I'd share a bit about behaviors in the hopes that it might help the parents out there. 

First, the most important thing to know about behavior is that ALL behavior is a form of communication.  Everything we do in life has some message behind it.  It might be "I'm eating because I'm hungry." Or, it might be "I'm driving the speed limit because I fear a ticket."  Or, it might be "I'm yelling because I'm frustrated."  The hard part is figuring out what the behavior means.  Far too often I hear people say things like, "he hits for no reason."  I have to remind them that there is a reason, we just need to figure it out.  So, when a child hits, yells, cusses, bites, etc, they are trying to communicate something.

Once you figure out what they are telling you through the behavior, you need to deal with that, not the actual behavior.  If a child hits because they don't know how to engage, and you teach them how to engage, the hitting stops.  If a child bites because they are angry and you teach them how to express anger, the biting stops.  If a child bites because they are learning cause and effect and you provide other ways to learn about that (including other ways to learn orally) they stop biting.  Now, this won't happen overnight.  It will take a long time.  But, the behavior should steadily decrease, if you have the communication correct.  That is the key.  Track how often the behavior occurs and then implement a strategy to address the message of the behavior.  If the behavior decreases, even only 1 time in a 2-week span, you may be onto the right message. 

It takes lots of patience to address behavior this way, but it is much more rewarding for the adult and much more beneficial for the child.  Think about it this way, if you don't know how to talk to someone without yelling, would it be more helpful for you to sit in time out (or worse, get hit) each time you yelled or would it be more helpful for you to be taught how to talk rather than yell each time you yelled?  The same holds true for kids. 

Tips for separated parents

The kids are gone on their visitation to their father.  With this time comes both relief that I can have some downtime to do what I want to do when I want to do it (you know, like eat cookies for breakfast, wake up later than 7 am and take a nap in the middle of the day) but sadness that I'm missing some of my kids' lives and knowing that I don't know what happens when they are gone but I do know that things are being done in a way other than I would do them. 

So, due to that, I thought I'd give some pointers to parents that are separating or divorced or not living together.  First, take your head out of your ass.  Yes, every divorced parent has their head in their ass about something.  My ex has his head in his ass regarding typical children illnesses.  He expects the kids never to be sick and gets irate when they are sick during his visitations.  I had my head in my ass about wanting to have a say in what the kids were doing.  I tried, unsuccessfully, to parent from a distance. I made comments, wrote emails, and insinuations about things such as what time the kids go to bed and what they eat.  Now, in my mind, I'm still correct  The kids shouldn't go to bed so late and they shouldn't eat garbage.  But, having my head in my ass about it just caused ME frustration.  It didn't affect him nor did it help the kids.  So, I have removed my head (for the most part) and just keep my mouth shut.  Sure, I say stuff to my friends/family about it, but not to my ex anymore.  It has helped me at least, to not be frustrated while the kids are gone. 

Second, try to work together, as much as you can.  My ex and I don't talk and only communicate via email.  I hate it because I think that we could get things resolved easier via phone, but he refuses.  That said, we do try to work together, when possible.  I try to keep him current on all things kid related (illnesses, school events, etc) and ask for his opinion on things.  Of course, this should go without saying, but, when your ex asks for your opinion on something--TAKE YOUR HEAD OF OUR YOUR ASS and try to work together on the issue.  Swallow your pride and your ego and do what you can to solve the problem for the kids sake. 

Third, don't talk about your issues to the kids.  My parents were divorced growing up and they both talked negatively about each other on occasion.  Please don't do that.  It puts kids in a really tough spot because they love each of you and feel the need to defend each of you.  It affects a child's self-esteem and self-worth to hear their parent trashed, especially by the other parent.  So, please, again, refer to the first point and TAKE YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS when it comes to this issue.

Finally, don't fall prey to the appeal to give your kids everything so they like you best.  My kids are very young, yet I already worry about what might happen in the future.  Will they always want to live with me?  If given the opportunity, will they want to live with him instead?  Should I do something different, give them something more so that doesn't happen?  I don't know the answer but I do know that I want my kids to respect me as a person and that can't happen if I undermine my own values simply out of fear of the future.  So, I continue to parent in the way that I think is best and I continue to not give my kids every material thing they could ever want and hope that they realize that I did this for their own souls and for their own future. 

To all of you that are separated or divorced with kids, big hugs from me to you.  I know it is hard, but I also know that our kids will benefit from this experience in some way. I know my kids will learn that they shouldn't stay in a toxic relationship and I know that they are now learning how to be in a positive relationship.  I know that they know that I love them so much that I changed their world because I knew staying with their father wasn't good for them or me.  I also know that we'll talk about it all one day and I'll be honest with them and hope they learn from my mistakes.

G

Babies!

C is obsessed with babies.  It is venturing on unhealthy obsession.  She has a ridiculous number of babies.  She has baby Tracy, baby Mia, a few babies with no names, and at school, she has "brown baby".  Brown baby looks identical to Baby Tracy, except she is brown and Tracy is white.  She doesn't want just any baby though, she wants her baby to be a cloth body and a plastic head AND the baby must be naked. 

She plays with babies every chance she gets and always wants more babies.  It is getting to be warm enough here to open our "play room" which is really our three-season porch.  So, yesterday, we opened up the play room and went out there.  it was the first time in awhile when the kids got to see some toys.  One of those toys, as you might have guessed, was a baby!

Now, this wasn't any baby this was MY baby.  The baby I had growing up.  My mom had my baby's "skin" redone because she had deteriorated and gave it back to me this year.  I love this baby.  Her name was Samantha (you know, from Who's the Boss).  C sees her and immediately goes and picks her up.  She was in love (Baby Samantha has a plastic head and arms and a cloth body). 

Ok, so C is playing with my baby, no biggie.  The problem--she renamed her.  She calls her Baby Shannon.  I tried to convince her the baby's name is Samantha, but she simply says that it isn't true and calls her Baby Shannon. 

It seems all kind of wrong to me that she commandeered my baby and renamed her.  I mean, Baby Samantha has been named Samantha for years and years.  I'm not sure how long, but I'm 32, so quite some time. 

I'm hopeful she doesn't get too attached to Samantha/Shannon because I'd like her not to be ruined.  Of course, thinking about it seems silly.  I mean, the only reason to keep the doll is for my kids to use.  It could be cool if my kid's kids use the same doll (I wonder what they'll  name her though).  But, selfishly, I think, that she is mine and I want her back.  But, then I think that would eventually make me the old creepy lady that pretends they have a baby with a baby doll.  And, that is creepy.  So, somehow I'll have to come up with a way to deal with C taking over my baby.  I'm sure that one day I'll even think it is really sweet that C has taken over my baby.  But until then, I really want to hide her so C can't find her

Its all in the name

How important is a name?  A has been very into names lately.  He asks everyone he sees "What is your name?"  He isn't satisfied with the first name though.  He continues on his questioning "What is your middle name?"  "What is your last name?"  "What is your second name?"  Now, I've yet to figure out my 2nd name, but he doesn't seem to mind that I don't have an answer for that.  He asks each person, at least once, every time he sees them.  Hell, he asks me about 400 times a day and he knows my name! 

Ok, so he knows my full name, no biggie.  Now, he used to call me momma.  Then it switched to mommy.  Now, we are on a first name basis, as if we are peers.  He simply calls me Glenda.  Regardless of where we go or what he needs, he calls me Glenda.  Now, I remember calling my mom by her name when I was a teenager simply because saying Mom in a store results in lots of people looking your way, but very rarely, for some reason, did my mom actually look.  Ok, so he doesn't call me mom, no biggie right?  Nope, no biggie for me, but he does call my sister mom.  She has a son and her son calls her mom so my son copies that and calls my sister mom.  So, when we are out somewhere, if you hear him say mom, he means my sister and if you hear him say Glenda, he means his mom!

Other names you might hear him call people.  Poopyhead (though this has 99.9% stopped, due to planned ignoring.).  You might hear him scream and point and people he walks by saying "WITCH!"  I tried on a costume last year one time and ever since then, everyone is a witch.  If he just called people a witch, I'd ignore it, but he screams it, points in their face (if they are his height) or at their body (if they are taller) and shouts WITCH.  Of course, C, thinking that it is funny now does the same thing.  So, if you are out and you hear 2 kids screaming at you WITCH and see 1 Glenda ignoring them (I'm giving planned ignoring another shot), I apologize, especially when it freaks out your kid and they start crying.  In those instances, please know that I'm talking to the kids in the car about how they scared the kid by yelling at them.  For the record, it is making some impact.  Today, A just loudly said WITCH without pointing at kids. 

Kindergarten Orientation

Today was kindergarten orientation.  My son attends a school that is different than his base school, so I've spent a LOT of time in this school observing prior to his placement meeting.  I walk in, all the staff know who I am.  Several of them came up to me and told me I looked familiar.  I told them that I was there for a visitation.  They all remembered me from this (so much so that they even remember A's name).  Now, I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but we'll see.

So, at this point, I'll be honest.  I only attended orientation because I want the teachers to see that I am involved.  I want them to know that they can talk to me about A and that they shouldn't try to screw him over because I'll know.  So, for those of you that have never attended orientation, I'll sum it up for you.  For 1 hour, I sat in a chair clearly too small for me.  I listened to the teachers tell me about their curriculum and suggestions for how to work with your kid to teach them things they should know prior to kindergarten.  I listened to their social worker and psychologist describe several of their programs they do for kids needing help with socialization (their programs are impressive actually) and I listened to the principal tell us her background (brag about her accomplishments really) and tell us how great the school is.  I can say that due to my observations, I know that they do what they say they do, so that is great.  Orientation was dismissed and off I went to my car.  CRAP!  You know what information I wasn't given--WHAT TIME DOES SCHOOL START AND END!  How do you offer orientation and not give that valuable information? 

So, now that I'm oriented to the curriculum, I just need to get oriented to what time school starts.  Then, kindergarten, here we come! 

What that F*&k is going on?

In general, I don't censor myself in front of my children because I think if we censor ourselves, our kids become much more into saying curse words simply because they are taboo.  So, I don't call my kids curse words or anything (or anyone else), I do let the occasional "son of a bitch" or the equivalent.  Anyhow, today, while playing Wii, my son, A, said, what sounds like "what the f*ck is going on?"  I asked him repeatedly what he was saying as I couldn't quite place what he was saying.  I asked him who says that and he said, "sometimes you do."  So, I thought he must not be saying what I thought I'd heard because I don't say that phrase (sure, I use all the words in that phrase, but not that actual phrase).  Anyhow, I talked to him about how he shouldn't say those words because it upsets other people.  He was fine with that and settled for the "Holy Guacamole!" instead. 

About 10 minutes later, C is saying "I ____ you."  Now I can't figure out if it was "I five you" or "I f*ck you."  Oy vey!  I'm going to go with "I five you" because she followed it up with "I six you." 

So, if you see my kids and hear them saying some select words, I apologize in advance. 

Hair Woes

For those of you without a girly girl, you may not understand the drama that hair creates.  This is what I hear far too often in any given morning: "I want my hair in hair bows, 2 hair bows."  So, I put her hair into pigtails.  Now, C has fine hair so trying to brush it into a ponytail is like trying to chew food with a numb mouth--NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE AND FULL OF FRUSTRATION!  I spray her hair with detangler because it wets it and helps get out the knots but even that only buys me about 1 minute of time.  If she moves, the brush falls, the hair band isn't ready within that minute, I have to start over.  Now, again, for those of you that don't have more than 1 kid or have kids that are older or even just cooperative kids, you think, what's the big deal?  Just start over.  Unfortunately, I have exactly 45 minutes to get 2 children up, clothed, pottied, teeth brushed, fed and get myself showered and clothed.  So, I really don't have the few minutes it takes to get her hair up in the first place, but (thanks to daycare, she wants her hair up to be "beautiful") I do so because I know she loves it. 

Well, I've had it now with the hair bows because you know what happens?  Within an hour or less, she takes them out because they hurt her head.  This leaves her hair looking disastrous and I'm generally annoyed that I spent all the time getting it up only for her to take it down.  So, what is a person to do?  I thought about it and remember head bands, but then I thought, gosh, I can't give her a headband and have her poke out her eye, my eye, or her brother's eye (and she would try, believe me).  So, off to Target we went.  I found cloth head bands (you know, like a sweat band, only not striped like the 80's style).  She loves them and now, mornings consist of me just plopping it on.  Best part--when she takes it out, she can put it right back in--BY. HERSELF! 

So, if you have a girly girl and you find the hair bow thing as annoying as I did, get thee to Target and buy cloth head bands.  They are about $3 for a 6 pack that come in an assortment of colors. 

Welcome

Hello and welcome to Parenting through exhaustion!  If you are a parent, you know exactly what I mean.  Being a parent means that sleep is sparse, you are in a constant battle of wills (and often losing) and you often do what you need to do to get by. 

A bit of background, I'm a parent of 2 children, 1 with special education needs and one that is typically developing (and actually advance linguistically).  I divorced their father when they were both very young and don't regret it at all.  Our family (all of us, including my ex husband) and much, much happier than we ever were together so while it was a hard decision and is a constant source of anger and frustration (my ex and I no longer get along) I wouldn't change it for all the world. 

I think that is about all you need to know at this point.  Welcome and enjoy the stories :)

G