The importance of Choices

If you ever hear my talking to my kids, you'll likely think that I negotiate too much and give too many choices.  I'm fine with that really because, while it does get annoying at times and there are times I wish they'd just STOP negotiating, I also know that they need to learn the skill of negotiation and they need to feel powerful.  Kids feel powerful when you give them choices.  The choice doesn't have to be "do it or don't."  So, for example, if shoes need to go on, the choice can be "right or left foot first" or "do you want to do it or do you want my help?" 

Did you know that by providing lots of choices, you are giving your child the sense of power, which results in a lessened need for them to seek power?  Kids seek power generally through inappropriate behavior.  They willfully ignore you, hit/kick/bite/etc, or respond with "NO." about everything.  Now, I'm not suggesting that giving choices will mean none of those behaviors will happen, but they will happen less as kids will feel powerful. 

I think my kids' daycare teachers think that I'm nuts.  Drop off includes negotiations (I don't want you to go yet, stay 5 more minutes), pick up includes negotiations (I want to play for 5 more minutes), heck even meals include negotiations (I want blueberries instead of bananas).  It is frustrating at times, but I'm fairly certain that I'm raising children that will be excellent attorneys and/or Secretary of State or the equivalent.  Or, if nothing else, they'll be excellent at negotiating strangers to give them money as they panhandle in the streets.

~G