Nurtured Heart Approach

It has been a really long time since I posted.  Mostly because I got super busy but also because well, I forgot (sorry).  But, I'm back.  So, a lot has transpired over the summer.  First, I attended a week-long advanced certification course on The Nurtured Heart Approach by Howard Glasser.  I had previously read the book, attended a full day training and had attempted to implement the approach.  I say attempted because I didn't really have a thorough understanding of the approach so I really was way off on my implementation. 

So, in order for you to see the transformations happening at our house, let me give you a day in the life snapshot.  The day would start out with C screaming at A because, well, I guess because he was alive.  You see, C is NOT a morning person and A is.  A starts his day excited and full of zeal and zest.  He wants to talk to you, love on you, hug you, touch you, etc the very second he awakens (which is also generally early!).  C, on the other hand, needs time to awaken.  She wants "nobody look at me!"  She wants to hug me, and only me until she is fully awake.  This could take 1 min or 20 min.  Ok, so we have the screaming followed by potty, tooth brushing and then everyone off to their rooms to put on clothes.

If you thought the screaming was over, you were wrong.  The screaming continues once in their rooms, because A, wants to come into C's room so, of course, he can talk to her and love on her, while he gets dressed and, you guessed it, C doesn't like that.  So, the result is C slamming her door and screaming, A running around getting more and more excited and me screaming for everyone to go to their rooms, stop slamming doors and get dressed (not the best way to start the day). 

Ok, so everyone is now dressed and downstairs to eat.  Again, argument over who is watching what TV show, whose turn it is to pick the show, etc.  Eventually, we are out the door and off to school. 

Upon arrival back home, one of the kids would annoy the other, enter more screaming and hitting from the kids, more screaming from me and total frustration within 15 min of getting home because during all of this, I am attempting to whip up something for dinner. 

Ah dinner, this consisted of begging, pleading, forcing A to eat what I made or making him something else that he'd eat.  Generally included more arguing/bickering, though generally not yelling.  After dinner was me washing dishes, kids playing (about 50/50 on how well they'd play together), homework, bath, books and bed. 

Bedtime was a struggle consisting of 100 "hey mom's" from C and 1000 A coming out of his room (which resulted in more frustration, etc).  On any given night, it would finally get quiet by around 9 pm, when I would fall onto the couch is exhaustion and wait for J to get home where I would want to unload my frustrations.

Fast forward to 1 week after the advanced training of The Nurtured Heart Approach and implementing it at home, and our house is completely different.  Now, this isn't to say that I don't yell (working on this still, but it is heavily engrained in me) or that the kids don't hit or yell ever, but WOW, it is so much better.

Mornings still sometimes start with C yelling, but then she quickly resets herself and decides "mom, I am going to stand in my greatness and ignore A."  A now gets himself ready as much as he can and then calls for me as does C.  We have a schedule for who picks the show so that ends that argument (except today, when C told me "I NEVER, EVER GET TO PICK!!!"). 

At dinner, we now talk about how we stood in our greatness, who filled out buckets and whose buckets we filled during the day.  Bedtime now has lessened to only about 50 "hey mom's" out of C and only about 100 times of A coming out of his room.  It is generally quiet by 8 pm now and I could, if I wanted to, actually exercise (but let's face it, so far, I have enjoyed the quiet by eating cookies and milk!).

We are making progress and it feels so good.  Yesterday, the kids played so wonderfully together that I could energize their greatness throughout the day and I still could get the dishes done, kitchen cleaned, dining room cleaned, living room cleaned, and laundry done! 

~G