All about Disabilities

Each day after I pick up C and we make our way to get A, we see school buses.  Those with white tops are her school buses from her school (according to C).  So today, she wants to know if she can ride a bus home from her school.  I said no, she doesn't take the bus but that when she starts in Kindergarten, she would take buses on field trips.  This incensed her!  She wanted to take a bus right now!!!  I explained to her that at her school only some kids got to take a bus.  She wanted to know why so I explained that some kids have a disability and some don't but that those that do take a bus home or to another daycare center sometimes. 

So, here is how our conversation went:

Me: C, kids with disabilities take buses at your school.  BUT, at kindergarten, everyone can take a bus on field trips.
C: Mom, can you give me a disability?
Me: No honey, I can't give you a disability (although, her father might disagree and suggest that I gave A a "disability", but I digress :))
C: Why not?  How does someone get a disability?
Me:  Most people are born with disabilities and some people get them when they get really hurt.
C:  What is a disability?
Me:  It is when someone has a hard time doing something that others can do easier  (hard to explain this to a small kid in language that they understand while still being compassionate to the person with a disability).  So, for example, XYZ is in a wheelchair and so she has a harder time walking than others and so she has a disability with her legs. 
C: Who else has disabilities?
Me:  Well, A has a disability
C:  Why? 
Me: When he was your age, he couldn't talk very well so people understood him.  And, he has a disability with his muscles because they aren't as strong as they should be.  This is why it is harder for him to write.  And, you know how sometimes he does things that really bother you, like crashing into you?  It is because he has a hard time controlling his body.
C:  What do I have for a disability?
Me: You don't have one.
C: It's not fair mom!  I want a disability.  (Crying starts).  Can I please have one?  Please mom?
Me: Honey, I can't give you a disability.  Remember, people are born with it or sometimes they get really, really hurt and that causes a disability.
C:  Please!!!  I WANT A DISABILITY!!!!
Me: I'll see what I can do (no other way to end this conversation!)

We also drive past a McDonald's on our way to our farm and to Target and we don't go there because they don't give people with disabilities jobs and are rude about it.  The kids know this and ask about it each and every time we drive by, which is A LOT!.  Now, we also do the Nurtured Heart Approach.  So, I had to combine both ideas tonight to explain about why we don't go there.  I told them that the McDonald's was in a reset, but was refusing to serve it and until they did, we would ignore them by not spending our money there.  A is very concerned that they will stay in a reset forever.  I told them that uncle J would let us know when they served their reset because he keeps track of those kinds of things.

So, if you see my kids out and about, the topic of disability is big on their minds right now and C might ask you to give her one!

~G

Bullying and Kids

I've been spending a lot of time at A's school lately and as such, I am witnessing lots of teasing and taunting of other kids.  Now, growing up, it likely would have been referred to by adults as "good-natured ribbing" as I know none of the kids mean to hurt others with their words.  But, seeing it happen so rampantly with such young kids (they are 5 and 6 years old), I am amazed.  I do not remember it being such a common thing.  I don't know what has changed that has led to the amount of teasing observed or if I just don't remember it because I wasn't part of it or just don't remember it or what, but gosh! 

At this point, I am grateful that A doesn't realize when others are teasing him but it does make me have concern for when C starts school.  She will notice it (and hopefully, not participate in it) and it makes me sad to realize this.  I can't tell you how many times I have explained to kids that it is a form of bullying and therefore, not okay.  I really don't think they realize that language can be used to bully, other than calling someone a name because they look at me genuinely confused when I tell them that it is bullying. 

My plea is for parents to talk with your kids about how teasing is bullying.  AND, if you are a parent that teases your kid, please STOP!  You are teaching by example it is okay to bully others with words.  I watched kids behavior completely deteriorate due to verbal bullying today, to the point they literally were throwing fists, in 1st grade!  This is just unacceptable to me and it really makes me so sad to see that it happens this young.  And, there aren't enough adults around when it happens to realize what is going on.

So, my second plea is to talk to your kids about this kind of bullying and how they can respond, without internalizing it or externalizing it with violence.  Please give your kids the tools to combat this kind of behavior very early on so they will be prepared because it starts very early on in school. 

Now, this isn't to say that kids were playing out "mean girl" scenarios, but they were picking on kids for peeing in their clothes, for falling down, for getting in trouble, etc.  All of these incidents would be small in nature, but when combined, could amount to issues as kids get older.

Okay, end of the PSA.  Go hug your kids and teach them, through your own actions, how to love, how to be a good friend, and how to respect each other.

~G

Oh, NO!! Am I going to die?

It was a typical day at our house, A throwing himself upside down, jumping off couches, etc.  Suddenly, I heard a loud "THUNK" and heard crying.  I came in and asked what happened and A, in a state of sheer panic said, "Oh no!  Am I going to die?  Is my head split open?"  Alas, it was not and I assured him he would survive but have a bump.  I suppose this is the danger of telling my kids to be careful because they could crack their head open!

~G

Costumes

It is nearing Halloween, you know, that time of year when we ENCOURAGE our kids to take candy from strangers (which by the way, makes no sense, yet I still take my kids).  Along with Halloween comes the costume fiasco.  Now, trying to figure out what C wanted to be was like herding cats.  You see, she changes her mind every day, sometimes every hour.  First, she wanted to be a pirate.  Then, an astronaut.  Then, a pilot.  Then a princess.  Finally, she settled on a witch.

If you have never gone costume shopping for a little girl, allow me to explain it to you.  First, you have to figure out what the girl will want to be.  Then, you go to the store, thinking it will be relatively easy to find a costume.  I mean, C wanted to be a witch, not a TV character that is hot this year and thus impossible to find.  Sure, there were lots of witch costumes, BUT, while she just cared about being a witch, mommy cared about her NOT being a slutty witch!  That is right, not only do you need to figure out what the girl wants to dress up as, but you have to weed through the costumes to find one that will cover her bum when she bends over.  Oh, and you have to find the one that has tights, not thigh highs.  What child needs thigh highs?  Hell, I'm an adult and I'd avoid those at all costs.  So, you have the one that appears non-slutty, but then you have to try it on.  Last year, she was Strawberry Shortcake.  The problem was the tights were for a 6 year old and the outfit was for a petite 2 year old.  This year, the tights are for a 4 year old, the dress is for a big-boned 5 year old.  But, her bum doesn't show and she has no thigh highs, so we bought it.  We'll just put clothes on underneath.

Onto A.  He wanted to be Cat in the Hat, since that is what he was last year.  BUT, he is big and it no longer fit.  So, he decided to be Super Mario.  Seems easy.  Now, there are 2 versions, regular and deluxe.  Regular has the jumpsuit, hat, and mustache.  Deluxe has that plus gloves and an inflatable belly.  There is a different of $15 in price, so we went with the regular and bought just plain white gloves (A decided he couldn't be Mario without white gloves).  Even though we got the size for 8-10, it is snug on him (he is 6!).

So, we have the costumes and if you come to our house, you will think it is already Halloween.  A comes home from school and immediately wants to put on his costume.  Apparently it is more fun to watch TV or play Wii in costume.

Hope you found your costumes.  J and I need to find ours still, but we'll figure that out this week, hopefully.

~G

Happy Birthday C

Today is C's 4th birthday.  On this day, I remember that I woke up, like any normal day.  Except, my mom had come into town in anticipation of C's being born.  I thought it would be fun to take A to the pumpkin patch and hopped in the shower around 10 am.  I started having some contractions, but they were not at all painful so I figured I'd be fine.  I got in the car with A, my mom, and my then-husband and headed off to the pumpkin patch, not mentioning to anyone about the contractions.  The pumpkin patch was closed, which turned out to be a good thing.  We got home about 30 min after we left and I told everyone I was having contractions.  I called the birth center and, since the contractions were about 2-3 min apart, they suggested I come in.  So, off we went.  I was hungry since it was close to lunchtime so we grabbed fast food on the way.  We got to the birth center and they checked me and said I was 5 cm dilated so I could go downstairs to the birthing suite but that I had some time to spare.  I got in the elevator and went downstairs.  I walked in and met the midwife on duty, while N (my then husband) went to go to the car.  I immediately felt that the baby was coming and the midwife yelled for Nate to come back.  Sure enough, she was born right then.  From the beginning of labor to the end was less than 3 hours and from 5 cm to 10 cm was less than 3 min!  She, like her brother, was born at 38 weeks, 3 days, on a Friday in the noon hour.

Happy birthday my sweet baby girl!

~G

Updates and Halloween

So, as you know, A has struggled at school a lot behaviorally and I have been meeting regularly with the teaching staff to help him.  I have explained to them the Nurtured Heart Approach and they were on board.  BUT, their school is going to be implementing a school wide behavior modification program.  That said, they are still interested in my working with them and mentoring them and my supporting them in using the NHA with A.  AND, for the 1st time since school started, I got a note home today that said A had a great day, with no consequences!  I heard them using the language of the NHA too.  I really hope we are on the path to greatness and to less consequences and time-outs for A.

On an unrelated note, Halloween is coming up, which means that I need to figure out costumes for the kids.  A wants to be what he was last year (he's not one for change) and C changes her mind daily.  Most recently, she said, "Mom, I want to be something REALLY scary!"  The irony is that when he cousin wore a costume with a face mask, she was terrified of him so I doubt she'll actually want anything scary--well that and she is 4 years old! I'll start looking to see what they could be that would work for them, be warm enough, and washable since we do so many holiday events for Halloween. 

I also love that this year, C has really come out of her shell.  She is vocal at school (last year she was very, very quiet) and verbalizes her needs.  She isn't as shy in front of new people as she once was either.  I love seeing her grow and develop and come into her own. 

Funny things the kids have said lately

I was talking to my sister and telling her about a picture from our farm.  C said she wanted to see it and I told her I didn't have it, that it was on Facebook.  She wanted to know what Facebook was and I explained it is a computer program.  So, now, she sits at home and writes stuff in a notebook or does art or whatever else and puts it in a metal tin shaped like a book and says, "Mom, I'm just gonna put this in Facebook."

At dinner tonight, C said, "Mom, when I am a mom, only call me on Fridays."  I asked her why only on Fridays.  She said, "Cuz then you won't call me too much."  A, hearing this, says, "Yeah, mom, you can call me only on Mondays."  So, apparently, when my kids are older, I have reserved times I can call them and that is it!

Have a good fall weekend!

~G

Update on Nurtured Heart Approach Implementation

I figure I should update how the implementation is going because, as with all new approaches and practices, it takes time, trial and error, ups and downs, and lots of determination.  First, I should say that from now on, I will abbreviate the Nurtured Heart Approach as NHA. 

So, I had previously posted about our successes within the 1st week and now I will share that we are still having successes, but we are having some setbacks too--you know, 2 steps forward, 1 step back type of thing.  Because of that, and a wise NHA trainer (C, from the UK), I decided to implement a credit system, which is basically a way to help me really energize positives and refuse to energize negatives (again, the hardest thing for me, though I am getting better).  With the credit system, the kids earn points for following the rules.  They can also earn extra points for doing chores and for doing something exceptional (like tonight, A asked C if she wanted an apple and brought her one so he got 10 points for being polite to his sister).  These points are tallied up each night and then each kid gets to spend their points on whatever rewards they want.  The rewards are activities we do together.  They are only to be relationship, not things.  So, you'll see that they can earn a trip to get ice cream but not that they can get a toy.  Anyhow, so far so good!  I'm hoping to meet with A's teachers and get this implemented at school too.

Some areas in which I struggle tremendously is situations when I can't simply ignore what is going on and I am powerless to do anything, such as the car.  Oh, how I loathe the car at times.  When A annoys C in the car, she screeches, I want to rip my hair out and of course, A eats up the attention he gets.  I have had about 50% success rate with giving him a time out, in the car.  He hates when I ignore him, though in reality, we don't always carry on a conversation in the car so it isn't any different than normal, except I tell him he is in time out, and he knows that means everyone ignores him

I also struggle when I reset a kid and they don't reset.  It is a bit tricky because I need to keep the kids apart from one another while the other is resetting, which is a challenge to do and not energize the negative behavior.  I am certainly getting better at it, but I find it incredibly frustrating and feel like I've been issued a time out when this happens because it generally means I have to stop what I am doing to tend to the child who isn't accepting the reset.  As a result, I've found that I am relying on warnings too much, which is energizing negativity, exactly the opposite of what I want to do.  It is very hard to change the parenting I've used for so long and to change some of the ingrained behaviors I have from my own upbringing.

I also am struggling with my own frustrations as I realize that I really can't control the kids.  If I tell them to reset, and they choose not to, there isn't anything I can really do.  This was no different prior to the NHA, except then I yelled and got out some of my frustration, all the while probably scaring my kids too, not something I want to do.  BUT, it is hard to come to that realization.  On the one hand, it is freeing because I know that I am helping the kids to come into their own and make their own choices and make those choices good choices.  On the other hand, it is hard because I am having to take a look in the mirror and realizing how much I have wanted to just be able to control what the kids do, the exact opposite of what I teach when I teach about challenging behaviors in kids! 

If I have learned nothing else throughout this process, I have learned that my kids will humble me, they will teach me, and they will make me more grateful and thankful that they are forgiving and compassionate kids. 

Have a great day everyone and, as I tell my kids each day, stay in your greatness today.  Show the world what an amazing, gifted, talented, kind, compassionate person you are.

~G

Be sure to worry about me

We get nearly all of our food from a local farm and this means that once a week, the kids and I travel to the farm to get our food.  The farm is really great and so kid friendly.  M, our farmer, always has something to do with the kids, such as hopscotch or chalk.  Today, he had a football and A was so excited!  C was busy eating a carrot (she eats her way through the farm!).  A was playing with M so I told him I'd go put the food in the car and then come back to get him.  He told M, "Be sure you worry about me while my mom goes to the car.  I need to be safe, you know?!"

When I got back, A negotiated with me to have 3 more throws (I suggested 1 but he countered with 5 and we agreed to 3--he's an excellent negotiator--maybe he'll be on Priceline commercials at somepoint?).  We got to the car and C had brought a tomato to eat on the way home.  So, off we went with our food and headed home.  I love that my kids love the farm so much and really are getting an understanding of where food comes from. 

~G

I want to stay at school and not come home!

Ok, so you may recall that last week, A really struggled at school and did not want to go back ever again.  Well, this week is a new week and a week that included Curriculum Night (the fancy name they now call Open House).  And, Curriculum Night is a night when kids come with their parents!  This is very different than when I was in school when it was just for parents.  Anyhow, A wanted to come to Curriculum Night and fortunately, he asked in front of Ms. M. because she is the one who told me that kids can come. 

Well, I saw the schedule and I thought it might be a struggle for him because it was nearly 2 hours of lots of sitting and listening and well, sitting is NOT his forte!  I tried offering him the opportunity to stay home and play Wii with J--he said no, he wanted to come with me.  I tried offering him the opportunity to stay home and play hide N seek with J--he said no, we wanted to come with me.  I tried offering him playing outside with J and riding bikes--again, he said no, he wanted to come with me.  So, I thought I'd figured it out.  I told him he had to eat everything on his plate for dinner to come with me.  Dinner that night was BBQ Ribs, fruit, and Swiss Chard with tomatoes, black beans and goat cheese.  I thought there was no way he'd eat it.  Well, you guessed it, he ate every last bite, without argument!  So, he was coming with me and I'd just have to deal with it!

We get there and find out seats in the Cafetorium (another strange thing here in the 'Cuse--it is the cafeteria that they combine with a stage  --AKA auditorium, but I digress).  He is so excited to see his current teachers and last years teachers that he can hardly stand it.  At one point, he goes up on stage to hug every single teacher (there are at least 50 here!).  So, we again get seated and he is attentive and quiet and I am pleased thinking tonight might be a success after all.

After that presentation, we go to his classroom.  He is excited to show me his work and excited to see his teacher after school hours.  He does fairly well though this presentation though was getting antsy toward the end.  Now, you would think that I would take this as my cue to wrap things up, but alas, I did not.  I thought I'd try to enjoy the greatness of the night a bit more and decided to go to the book fair in the library.

Now, the very second I set foot in there, I knew this was a BAD idea.  Tons of kids, A was in need of movement, and it was hot in there.  Again, I did not take the cue and pressed on.  He ran around like a bull in a china factory, touching books, trying to tip some over.  He sat down for a second and I tried to reset him.  It did not work, so the consequence was for us to leave.  On the way out, he is so upset that he smacked a girl.  And, who was there to hold the door open for us and witness the entire thing--why the parent that I got into a discussion with about A being a bully!  So yes, there I was, holding the hand of a screaming and crying kid while every parent looked at me as if they have never had this happen. 

And, let me just say 2 things.  1.  I know you have had this happen so wipe the smug look off your face because you know full darn well that this will be you in a matter of days or weeks and 2.  Thank goodness I don't worry about what people will think when I am taking care of my kids because if I did, I would never have wanted to go back to that school.  Which reminds me, parents, if you see someone out with a crying kid, please take your head out of your ass and be kind to that person without making looks and faces at her like she is somehow the cause of all world evil!

Anyhow, back to my story.  So, while we are walking down the hall, he is screaming that he wants to stay at school and never leave.  We get to the car, and he refuses to get in.  I channel my most calm self and for once, really take the stand from the Nurtured Heart Approach, that I will not energize negativity.  I gave A the direction to get in the car and then I just stood there, holding the door, looking disinterested in his behavior, not engaging with him and waited.  After at least 5 more minutes of him screaming that he wants to stay at school and not come home, he finally says, "Fine!  Whatever!  I'll reset and get in."  I thank him for resetting and we drive home.  On the way, he asks when we can go back to school and can we spend the night there one day! 

I love how flexible this kid is and how forgiving he is of circumstances.  Many, many children would have started to hate school after his 1st week, but not A.  he forgives and gives another chance. 

I don't want to talk to anyone about my day!

So, A is now in 1st grade and for those of you that are unaware, the leap from K to 1st I think is really hard.  First, there are more academics and expectations put on the kid and I think that teachers don't prepare the kids as much (sorry kindergarten teachers) and there is a longer gap between whatever preparation happened and school happening.  In other words, in pre-k, kids get prepared to leave and then leave and big school starts pretty quickly whereas if the K teachers prepare kids for 1st, there is 10-12 weeks before they start in 1st grade.  This makes it hard on kids and parents alike.

So, A's 1st week, which is only 3 days was hard for him, but he did ok.  His 2nd week was very, very hard.  He had a hard day of keeping his feet to himself and his teacher made him come tell me at pickup.  He was devastated and crying so hard he couldn't even tell me anything.  His face was red and blotchy from crying.  It was so bad, I had to carry him to the car!  As we are walking and he is crying, he says, "I don't want to talk to anyone about my day.  I want people to stop telling me about my day!"  and "Get me outta here!  I never want to come to school again!"  When we finally got to the car and got in, he said "I wanna go back to Jowonio because they are nicer and friendlier to me."  OUCH, talk about a knife in the heart.  I hated to hear that he was so upset. 

The next morning, I got to school to talk to his teacher and she asks, with obvious concern on her face if A always gets this upset if he has to tell me about his behavior.  She probably thought I beat him (which couldn't be farther from the truth!).  I explained to her that he is very sensitive and emotional and that he doesn't like to disappoint me.  I tried to give her strategies and offered to meet with her and the team to come up with a plan to help him behaviorally.

That afternoon at pickup, there was another parent waiting with his kid so he could "see these bullies."  He wanted to see what the bullies looked like in his son's class.  Now, if you have a kid who struggles behaviorally, this is something you dread to hear, especially when you know that kid is in the class with your son.  Sure, enough, it is my son that the kid is talking about.  I tried to explain to the father that we are working on solutions but I really wanted to scream at him for being such an insensitive ass!  If one of my kids came home saying someone is a bully (which C does say), I talk about what could be going on and how C can respond.  I don't wait outside the school to take a look at the kid.  I hope that this father felt badly and will rethink his actions, but I won't hold my breath. 

Here's hoping that next week is a better week!

~G

What is the Nurtured Heart Approach

Since I have posted about my success with the Nurtured Heart Approach, I have been asked what it is and to give an explanation about it.  Now, I think this is a hard question because, in my opinion, the Nurtured Heart Approach is more than an approach, it is a way to transform your thinking about people and children in your life.  In the training I took, one participant described it as this, "The Nurtured Heart Approach is an approach to 'dusting off' the child to find their true inner wealth by using a positive, strength-based model that helps the discover the greatness they possess."  I described it as an approach of helping others to transform into their most authentic and best self.  In the Nurtured Heart Approach, you take 3 stands on the way you live life (really, it is in how you respond to kids, but I think it applies to life just the same).

The first stand is to energize positivity.  So, when your child is behaving the way you want them to behave, you recognize and appreciate it.  This does not mean you say "Good Job." or even a simple "Thanks for playing quietly."  This means that, for example when A and C are playing together, without anyone yelling or touching or annoying each other, I might interrupt their play for a minute to say, "A and C--I accuse you of greatness right now.  A, you are keeping your hands to yourself and playing respectfully with C.  You are showing her that you are a kind and caring person when you play without annoying her or touching her.  AND, C, you are using your words to tell A what you need rather than yelling at him.  You are also not calling him names when you dislike what he does.  You are showing him you are a cooperative person and are showing him your wisdom.  Thank you both for staying in your greatness!!!"  In other words, I am teaching them how I want them to behave when they are doing what I want.  I am lecturing them, for lack of a better word, for the great attributes that they have, the same attributes that I want to encourage in them and that I would normally have lectured them about when they weren't doing what I wanted.

The second stand, which I find incredibly difficult, is to refuse to energize negativity.  This means when A and C aren't playing nicely together, I would ask them to reset (I explained what I mean by this after the first few days--sometimes it takes me a bit to figure things out.)  When they are asked to reset, they are to stop what they are doing, close their eyes and take a deep breath.  When they do it, I go back to stand 1 and energize them for choosing to reset because really, they could have said, "FU!" and not reset at all but they didn't.  AND, again, I want them to be successful.  I want them to want to be in the game of life.  When I ask them to reset, it is done unceremoniously and without emotion (ideally).

The third stand is to have clear and consistent rules (again, a difficulty with me for my own kids.  With other people's kids, I have no problem with clear and consistency, but well, I don't like when my kids are unhappy.)  Basically, this means if the rule is no hitting and A swats at C's hair, he is asked to reset.  He is not given a warning nor is it ignored because it isn't bad enough.  Again, easier said than done!

Now, you might be thinking this is crazy hippie mumbo jumbo, but it has been used all over the world with huge successes, at home, in clinical practices and in schools.  If you want to learn more about it, you can check out the website for the Nurtured Heart Approach: http://difficultchild.com/ .

Now, for an update.  Wouldn't you know, as soon as I posted all about my success, life, as it tends to do, smacked me in the face and the kids really had a rough next few days.  But again, each day, hell, each moment of each day is a new experience that I can create success for my kids so I can energize them and they can really see their greatness shine.

Nurtured Heart Approach

It has been a really long time since I posted.  Mostly because I got super busy but also because well, I forgot (sorry).  But, I'm back.  So, a lot has transpired over the summer.  First, I attended a week-long advanced certification course on The Nurtured Heart Approach by Howard Glasser.  I had previously read the book, attended a full day training and had attempted to implement the approach.  I say attempted because I didn't really have a thorough understanding of the approach so I really was way off on my implementation. 

So, in order for you to see the transformations happening at our house, let me give you a day in the life snapshot.  The day would start out with C screaming at A because, well, I guess because he was alive.  You see, C is NOT a morning person and A is.  A starts his day excited and full of zeal and zest.  He wants to talk to you, love on you, hug you, touch you, etc the very second he awakens (which is also generally early!).  C, on the other hand, needs time to awaken.  She wants "nobody look at me!"  She wants to hug me, and only me until she is fully awake.  This could take 1 min or 20 min.  Ok, so we have the screaming followed by potty, tooth brushing and then everyone off to their rooms to put on clothes.

If you thought the screaming was over, you were wrong.  The screaming continues once in their rooms, because A, wants to come into C's room so, of course, he can talk to her and love on her, while he gets dressed and, you guessed it, C doesn't like that.  So, the result is C slamming her door and screaming, A running around getting more and more excited and me screaming for everyone to go to their rooms, stop slamming doors and get dressed (not the best way to start the day). 

Ok, so everyone is now dressed and downstairs to eat.  Again, argument over who is watching what TV show, whose turn it is to pick the show, etc.  Eventually, we are out the door and off to school. 

Upon arrival back home, one of the kids would annoy the other, enter more screaming and hitting from the kids, more screaming from me and total frustration within 15 min of getting home because during all of this, I am attempting to whip up something for dinner. 

Ah dinner, this consisted of begging, pleading, forcing A to eat what I made or making him something else that he'd eat.  Generally included more arguing/bickering, though generally not yelling.  After dinner was me washing dishes, kids playing (about 50/50 on how well they'd play together), homework, bath, books and bed. 

Bedtime was a struggle consisting of 100 "hey mom's" from C and 1000 A coming out of his room (which resulted in more frustration, etc).  On any given night, it would finally get quiet by around 9 pm, when I would fall onto the couch is exhaustion and wait for J to get home where I would want to unload my frustrations.

Fast forward to 1 week after the advanced training of The Nurtured Heart Approach and implementing it at home, and our house is completely different.  Now, this isn't to say that I don't yell (working on this still, but it is heavily engrained in me) or that the kids don't hit or yell ever, but WOW, it is so much better.

Mornings still sometimes start with C yelling, but then she quickly resets herself and decides "mom, I am going to stand in my greatness and ignore A."  A now gets himself ready as much as he can and then calls for me as does C.  We have a schedule for who picks the show so that ends that argument (except today, when C told me "I NEVER, EVER GET TO PICK!!!"). 

At dinner, we now talk about how we stood in our greatness, who filled out buckets and whose buckets we filled during the day.  Bedtime now has lessened to only about 50 "hey mom's" out of C and only about 100 times of A coming out of his room.  It is generally quiet by 8 pm now and I could, if I wanted to, actually exercise (but let's face it, so far, I have enjoyed the quiet by eating cookies and milk!).

We are making progress and it feels so good.  Yesterday, the kids played so wonderfully together that I could energize their greatness throughout the day and I still could get the dishes done, kitchen cleaned, dining room cleaned, living room cleaned, and laundry done! 

~G

1st day of Kindergarten

So, today was the first day of kindergarten for A.  I set the alarm for 7:30 to make sure that everyone was up, showered, and ready to go on time.  I reminded the kids that we couldn't be late for kindergarten like we were at Jowonio.  I woke up at 7:25 and shut off the alarm because I always feel bad actually waking up my kids figuring if they are still sleeping, they must be tired.  By 7:45, A was suddenly wide awake and excited to get ready for kindergarten.  C slept in until 8.  So, got them each ready, clothes on, teeth brushed, potty, breakfast (which really just means cereal and/or granola bars and sometimes fruit) and then they could watch a show while I got ready.

I was feeling the pressure because it was now 8:20 and I wanted to leave by 8:40 to ensure we got to school by 8:55.  I didn't want to be late, especially on the first day.  I rushed my shower and getting ready and off we went.  A asked me repeatedly to make sure I had his lunch (I did) and his backpack (I also did).  C brought her backpack filled with baby dolls as she was going to my sister's house for the day (thanks again AC). 

We are driving down to get to school when I see the cones.  CRAP!  The road is apparently a one-way road during school hours.  Not to fear, I'll just park and we'll walk a block to school.  A was NOT happy with this as we parked right outside the school on orientation day.  I explained why we parked where we did and that we'd try something new tomorrow so we could park in a different spot.  He was appeased.
 
As we get to the door, I ask him if we can take his picture.  He was NOT in a picture taking mood and did not comply.  I mentioned to him that we could take his picture in front of the big school sign, he rejected that idea. So, I settled for a picture of him by the building with a very sad face.

Inside we go and Ms W says hi to him.  He responds by hiding and burying his face into me.  I was worried that this would not be a good day.  But, we showed him his cubby and he again asked about his lunch (perhaps I should figure out something else for breakfast, but he isn't a breakfast guy).  After being reassured his lunch was in his bag, he went to play.  I went and told him he had to find his name on a table and sit for table work.  He was confused and looked at me puzzled asking, "Mom, did they already have play and learn?"  I reminded him that this was different than Jowonio and that they started their day with table work, not play time.  After about 1 min, he told me he was done with his table work and I explained that he had to sit until his teachers told him he could get up.  He accepted that.

However, that didn't mean he couldn't talk to his table mates, right?  He tried introducing himself and asking others what their names were.  But, the kids at his table were feeling shy and didn't respond.  I told them their names though which helped them all seem at ease.

Finally, it is time for me to leave.  I was worried about how it would go, but I put on a happy face and told him I was going to leave to go to work.  He asked me who was picking him up and again, about his lunch!  I gave him a hug and a kiss, reminded him about where the bathroom was and to be a listener.  He told me he would and that I should be a listener at work and then we said our goodbyes and left.

I heard nothing more until 3:30 when I got a call from his teacher.  It went like this. 
Ms D: "Hello, this is Ms D.  Are you picking up A?"  

Me: "Um, he is supposed to be in the afterschool program at school."
Ms D: "Oh, we thought you hadn't signed him up for today.  Oops, we'll bring him down now."

Of course, then I worried that he'd thought I'd forgot him so I went there to pick him up.  He was happily playing in afterschool.  When I got there and he saw me his first words were "I LOVED IT!"  When asked what he did that day at school, he told me he went to the library, ate lunch and had 2 cookies for snack!  BUT, the best part of his day. . . . "Mom, they have a SCHEDULE!  A really big one that is stuck up on the wall!"  His former Jowonio teachers can attest that the schedule was very important to him and I can report, it still is!

So, all in all, a successful first day. 

~G

OUCH! It hurts, it really, really hurts!!

For those of you that don't personally know C, you should know that she is working hard to get an oscar for best actress in a drama.  She is the most dramatic kid (yes, I do realize the irony in saying this).  So, tonight, I'm brushing her teeth and the toothbrush slips and gets her in the eye.  She instantaneously starts crying.  It was the kind of cry where she can't breathe for a bit.  Ok, I know that getting jammed in the eye with toothpaste and a toothbrush hurts.  I hug her, check her eye, tell her I'm sorry, try to make her feel better.  She stops crying to talk to her dad then starts crying again saying "I don't want to stop crying."  I help her with her PJs and she, finally stopping crying, says that her eye got an owie from the toothbrush and starts to cry again saying "It hurts, it really, really hurts!"  Then, she says, "Mom, which eye was it that got an owie again?" 

~G

Parenting Fail

Let me start by saying that I think I'm a great parent.  I don't want people to feel badly for me or feel like I don't think I'm a good parent.  That said, let me just say that sometimes, for a moment, I feel like a total and utter failure.  I know that all parents feel this way, though it is rarely talked about, so here you go, I'll talk about it so you don't feel so bad thinking it. 

Ok, so it started out last night.  It was bedtime and A has been struggling with that for the past week.  I told him that if he came out of his bedroom again, he'd lose the Wii.  He came out and I followed through (YAY for me!) and put up the Wii remotes so we haven't used them all day. So, he stays in his room and goes to sleep after that.  However, he is up at 3 trying to come into my room.  I take him back to his room, 10 minutes later he is up again, rinse and repeat for 3 cycles.  By the end of the 3rd cycle, he is crying that he needs me and I am feeling increasingly frustrated and exhausted!  I lay down with him and talk to him for a minute then fall asleep (first failure).  I wake up at 7 with a 48 lb kid laying on me and I'm dripping with sweat because it is so humid outside.  We get up, brush teeth, go potty and downstairs he goes (and his sister as she woke up too).  I go upstairs to lay down for a bit. 

Time goes on and all is well for a bit.  But, by 9 am, there was crying as both kids were annoying one another and A discovered he can't play Wii.  I go take a shower and more crying happens.  Apparently, A hit C and C pinched him in the face.  I talk with both about how it isn't okay, how to respond when someone does something we don't like, etc.  Hitting and annoying each other resumes and I send each kid to their own rooms to calm themselves down while I finish getting ready.  Then, I ask for A to put on his clothes (C already did so).  He starts crying about how he doesn't want to, he wants me to help him, etc.  He finally puts them on (it took 20 min) and we get some lunch. 

It is nap time now for C and I am thoroughly enjoying the lack of crying, not hearing "mom" and just enjoying the quiet. Its been a rough day and it is only 1pm!  Damn this heat because we can't even just go outside to play so we are stuck inside (where at least the fans will help cool us down).  Here's hoping that this afternoon will be filled with laughter instead of tears.

~G

Feeling like a fraternity pledge

Day 5 of, as my friend N puts it, Reality Re-Entry, meaning re-entering the reality of my life with kids.  It has been a particularly rough reentry due to them being gone for 2 weeks.  We have nearly opposite parenting philosophies and schedules and the poor kids are really struggling coming back home.  By day 5, the exhaustion from too late bedtimes with their father are sinking in and the result is lots of tears and unhappiness as they readjust.  I feel like a fraternity pledge; up all night long dealing with ridiculous demands and questions (come sleep with me, I need my doll, I need a drink of water, what are we doing tomorrow?), working during the day, cleaning the house repeatedly as the brothers (or in this case the kids) apparently find it entertaining to immediately destroy the house the  moment they walk in the door so the poor pledge (or in this case me) can clean it all up.  There is food on the floor, empty cups strewn about, and somehow the bathroom floor always gets peed on.  The only difference is that a pledge starts paying monetary dues and the kids require I pay monetary dues (childcare, clothes, food, etc).  Granted, I get intrinsic rewards and the knowledge that I helped create a wonderful adult (hopefully), but damn, sometimes, I think that it would be better to get a monetary reward or at least a keg party out of the deal!

~G

It's awesome and amazing!

The kids have been gone for 2 weeks with their father.  During that time, I was able to sleep when I wanted, eat when I wanted, etc.  I didn't have anyone pee on me or ask me to wipe their behind.  Ah, how much changes when they get home!  I picked them up and all was well initially.  Then, A had a meltdown and said he had a hard time at daddy's house :(.  He cried and I reassured him it was okay and that I was there to talk if he wanted.  We had just gotten dinner and he kept saying "I'm not ready for my chicken yet because I'm crying (said in his best crying voice)."  Followed by, "Don't worry mommy, I'll be ready soon!" is his best crying, but trying to sound encouraging voice.  He stopped crying and ate and all was well.  As we are pulling into our driveway, he says "Oh, our house is so pretty mommy!"  The house looks the exact same but for some reason, he really was appreciative of it upon return.  He ran inside and complimented everything for being pretty.  Perhaps it was because there wasn't food crumbs on the floor, clothes strewn about, blankets and toys accessorizing the floors, not sure, but everything was pretty to him.

Then, in true A form, he remembered that we brought home a treadmill the day before he left and immediately, he asked about where it was and if I could show him how to use it.  So, I showed them both and they both walked on the treadmill then got upset when I told them they needed to stop.  Ah, if only I felt that same way about that treadmill.

Bedtime is a bit of a struggle but everyone goes to sleep. We wake up in the morning and my body rejected the early morning wake up call.  But, the kids were having no part of sleeping in.  Up we got and the day started.  And, my 2 weeks of no wiping butts came to a screeching halt!  Always had one or the other going to the bathroom.  And, now, C says "Mommy, let's look at my poop.  It is awesome and amazing!"  How am I to respond to that?  I can't shatter her excitement and tell her poop is neither awesome or amazing.  And, I want her to keep going in the potty, so I suck it up and like a great mom, compliment her on her awesome and amazing poop.  Yet another thing I never thought I'd say in my life!

~G

Congratulations Graduates!

Today was A's graduation from preschool.  He has been in the same preschool with the same teacher for 2 years and we have loved every minute of it.  The teachers he has had have been so great with him and so understanding of him and his abilities and needs.  When he first started at Jowonio he was unable to peddle a tricycle.  Now he is able to ride a bike with training wheels (I should try him without to see if he can do it).  He was barely understood by people that didn't know him and now, nearly 100% of people understand him!  He couldn't hold a crayon/pencil, let alone write.  Now, he can write his name amongst other things.  He is able to read, sound out words, using those sounds to spell words, and answer "W" questions (those he still frequently says "mom, can you stop telling me about my day" when I ask him questions after school). 

One of the most important things is that he has friends and feels like he belongs.   He never had friends before.  He was never invited to playdates, never mentioned a friend, and never belonged.  That isn't the case.  When we were at a recent school carnival for a local elementary school, he climbed in the bounce house and excited raced over to the door and exclaimed, "Mom, all of my friends are here!!"  He loves his friends and school and because of his teachers, he has learned how to engage with peers (not that he is perfect at it and he still has some learning to do, but he is so much better off).  This is going to benefit him hugely when he starts kindergarten next week. 

I am so proud of him and the accomplishments he has made.  He hasn't had an easy life (I mean, it hasn't been the worst, but not easy either).  He had significant delays in language and motor and an inability to make friends.  He grew up listening to his father and I argue and saw a horrible example of a relationship.  He moved to a new state with me when he was 3 and has seen the drama and stress caused by our court battles.  But, he has persevered and has made huge changes.  He never says he can't do something and always is willing to try it.  So, congratulations A on your graduation!  I know that you'll do great things in life and I'm fortunate to be your mom so I can see what an amazing person you become.

And, thank you to all the teachers he's had over the past 2 years.  Each of you has a lasting impact on him and our family and I can't express to you enough how thankful I am for your help and support.  Jowonio is an amazing resource and you are amazing people to work there.  The world is better off with you in it.

~G

Lunchbox Suggestion and Fundraiser

I pack A's lunch every day and have for 2 years now so I'm always on the look out for containers that are reusable, but easy enough for him to open himself.  I've spent hundreds of dollars on lunch container items (literally) and have finally found something that is easy for him, convenient for me and inexpensive! 

I present you with the Easy Lunchbox System.  The system comes with 4 sectional (3 compartments) containers and lids.  You can also get the bag to hold the container as well.  I generally put the container in the bag, some fresh fruit, yogurt, and a drink on top of the container.  The bag fits in the bottom of his backpack so it is really, really convenient. 

I love the containers so much, I'm running a fundraiser for my son's school.  Please consider purchasing a set to help his school, you won't be disappointed.  

~G